Sheloshim on Shabbos
Question:
My father passed away and he was not buried the day he died. How should we calculate the sheloshim? Our family wishes to gather friends and relatives for an azkoroh at the end of the sheloshim. When should we do this if the sheloshim ends on Shabbos? When can I bathe or cut hair?
Answer:
Sheloshim is counted from the day of burial.[1] When the thirtieth day falls on Shabbos, then the 29th day is the last day of sheloshim in practice. The custom is that a male should not bathe during the sheloshim period.[2] However, since the 29th is erev Shabbos, you may bathe for Shabbos anytime after sunrise.[3] Nevertheless, it is not permitted to cut hair that Friday even in honor of Shabbos.[4] The appropriate day for an azkoroh would be that Friday. You may want to push it off to Motza'ei Shabbos or Sunday in order to gather a group.
BookID: 2 Chapter: 402
[1]ש''ך סימן ת''ב סק''ה.
[2] A married woman may bathe after the shiva period if she is very uncomfortable or if there is another great need (Chochmas Odom 165:1).
[3] ש''ך שצ''ה סק''א. ועיין רמ''א סימן ת''ב ס''ב וד''מ שם דיום כ''ט כיום ל' כיון דדעת ר' יו''ט בתוס' דכיון דיום השביעי מקצת היום ככולו, יום השביעי עולה לכאן ולכאן, והוי כב' ימים. ולענין רחיצה דאינו אלא מנהג ולא מדינא, בע''ש סמכינן דיום כ''ט הוא יום שלושים, וממילא מיד לאחר הנץ החמה רשאי להתרחץ כמו ביום שלושים ממש.
[4] See Ramo 400:2 and Chochmas Adam 169:6.